Lost in Translation

In streaks of first light, God looked weary. Out of sorts. My usual impulse is to try a little levity, but something warned me that wouldn’t go over well this morning. I took his weathered hands in mine. “Sweetheart, you look exhausted. Rough night?”

He teared up. “I’m so tired of being used to justify atrocities. I thought I was clear with Moses, and I’ve tried to talk sense into the hearts of all sorts of wingnuts over the eons. But no. Every time I turn around, there’s something worse. What’s so hard about the basics?

“You mean the Big Ten?” I asked. “Maybe they’ve been mangled in translation or gotten outdated.”

God glared. “I doubt that’s it, but okay. Let’s update. Chances are slim to none it’ll change anything, but hell, why not try? You take notes.”

I agreed. It was a long shot, but I was game to help. “Shall we start with Thus Sayeth?”

“Nah.” He actually smiled a little. Then in his gravelly voice, he began:

1. I AM and have always been the Safest Way. Sure, money, sex, status, false promises, and power—all quite appealing. But Love is safer.
2. Everyone is an artist. Make things. Don’t worship things. I can’t be made.
3. I’m not interested in your rash threats. I will not pay your bills. Stop brutalizing in the name of Love. Do not charge things on my credit card.
4. The elderly of whom you are made deserve your respect and compassion. You’ll need the same someday.
5. Rest. Restore. Do some collective napping. This is how you’ll recognize the sacred.
6. Do not kill. Not for sport, revenge, or greed. Rape, torture, slavery…all not good. Ever. Stop it. And self-defense is an excuse, not a solution.
7. If you promise someone they’re your one and only, don’t sneak around. That’s neither honest nor kind. Fidelity is good. Pretending fidelity is cruel.
8. Gluttony’s a bitch. Don’t steal.
9. Be truthful. Always.
10. Harboring jealousy makes you small and mean. Other people do not belong to you.

And if these are too complicated, you can simply dedicate your entire being to LOVE. At all times, in all places. Be faithful stewards of creation and all the little beings therein. As you travel through, smooth the bumps for your neighbors. And once in a while, give me a call. That’s all.

.God crossed his arms. I crossed mine. “I think you know that’s not all.”

“I’ve got nothing to prove.” God shrugged. “But if I were you, I’d get things figured out. You’re running out of time.”

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