Category: Visits with God

The Enormity of Managing Kefir

Rita Sommers-Flanagan4 Comments 

Gods are so innocent they wait for praise like children.
Praising, dear one, let’s be generous with praise.
Nothing is ours. We set our hands lightly on the necks
Of unbroken flowers….
                                --From Elegy by Ranier Maria Rilke
Here on the homestead, we make granola 
and resent each other when the supply dwindles. 
Making granola isn’t difficult, but once done, 
it seems like it should last indefinitely.

And don’t get me started on the challenges of kefir. 
There are living organisms involved. 
It’s nearly as demanding as sour dough or the chickens.

As the years roll by, we tell ourselves we deserve a break. 
We want to engage in leisurely travel, 
create praiseworthy works of assemblage art, 
write profound treatises on profound subjects, 
and land a bestseller. But time dwindles.

We rush home from our trip to the dump 
to feed the kefir grains or cover the squash seedlings 
due to the impending frost. 
Our fantasies rarely align 
with the mundane demands of existence. 
And who praises the mundane?

“How do you do it,” I ask Creative Force, my voice a little testy.
“Do what?”
“Let go. Remain background to the false foreground.”

Creative Force dissipates into a remarkably long exhale.
“Come back,” I beg.
A barbed silence ensues. Edgy. Meaningless. 

Sometimes, I imagine communal life 
as a way to lighten the load. Many hands. 
Light work.  In these sepia tinted dreams, 
I’m the Godmother of a magnanimous mafia 
dedicated to extorting the good in humanity, 
offering protection from existential angst 
for a modest fee. There are flaws in this vision.

Sometimes, we invite neighbors over 
to eat rhubarb banana bread and join us 
in our search for the essence of life. 
But they rarely come.

Perhaps it’s the wording of our invitations. 
Rhubarb is not a crowd fav. And they have pets. 
Children. Unfinished businesses. 
Or ailments that impede movement 
or prohibit such topics of conversation.

Creative Force has reconfigured themselves 
into a small flock of sheep grazing by the river. 
I approach with caution.
“Are you here to eat grass?” I ask.
 
Our pasture is overgrown; the grazing would be a gift.
I yearn to gaze into those liquid brown eyes 
and offer unconditional adoration, 
but they don’t even lift their heads. 

A sudden, wrong-headed hunger overtakes me. 
Humans cannot convert grass to protein. 
To quell this rising panic, I begin the long trek home, 
aware that I may perish along the way. I accept that. 
But I am also aware that there’s a chance I’ll make it 
and there’ll be a little granola left. 

For now.
For which I shall offer praise and thanksgiving.




*************

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Amputations (for Monica and Joyce)

Rita Sommers-Flanagan4 Comments

Photo Credit: Deborah Drain

An amputation does not remove the brain’s neurological urge to communicate with the missing limb. The brain says “move.” Nothing happens. Phantom pain is a chronic reminder of what isn’t there anymore. This is how grief works.

I once believed reality consisted of connections from one tangibility to another, but now I realize it’s constructed of sweet, impossible longings, memories, and the scent of rain. It is the intangibilities that answer when we cry in the night.

You may think you can rely on the Gods of your choosing, but they prefer time away from the maddening crowds. Thus, they amputate. But like starfish and newts, our extremities sometimes grow back for a season.

“That they do,” the Chief of Amputations laughs. “Which means our work is never done.”

The regenerative properties of patience and detachment are no match for evolution, opposable thumbs, or autogenesis. When you fold, you become less linear. Your grasp weakens. Where you begin and end is no longer clear. And chemical reactions occur in this process, creating alloys of enormous strength. For instance, combining iron with carbon creates the steely spines we so admire.

Scientists argue about the potential power of bending, doubling, and scrunching. And though most origins-of-life paradigms rest on linear pattern recognition, there’s a kind of salamander in Mexico that can regrow its own heart.

As your life moves along, you’ll notice that any given moment does not want to yield. But it cannot come along. Notching the tree to find the way back is foolish. There’s no way back, and trees don’t live forever. Regardless of your timeline or preferences, you will gradually morph into certain versions of your mother.

Besides Chief of Amputations, it may be comforting to know that a few of the Creators’ favorite names are The Moving Target, Now of the Now, Connective Tissue, and finally, Dog Rolling in Grass.

So roll in the Now. Gaze at the haunted horizons while you try on the scarves and hand-me-downs left behind. Some will fit. Some won’t. Load the car with donations or convert everything into rags. You’ll be none the richer either way.

View the future filtered through the translucence of honey, admire the noble ways of spiders, and if it is within your power, fill the open mouths of children. In the heat of the day or the dead of night, the banalities of life release their hold, but the radiance remains.


To Read A Poem Aloud

Rita Sommers-Flanagan4 Comments 

To read a poem aloud has risks. Here are some safety tips:

•	Clear your throat and mind.
•	Let the syllables control the wheel.
•	Soften your gaze.
•	Do not pretend to understand (but maybe you will).

And now, for a chance to practice. Enunciate. Be brave.

                      Visitations

When God comes by, there’ll be no glare. 
The Mighty Incognito travels light
and hides inside your cravings drinking vodka,
laughing like a fool just out of sight.

When the weather seems to get the upper hand, 
dig into the compost of the past
and listen to the microbes singing love songs.
knowing all that stuff and nonsense doesn’t last.

The clash and clang and riptides are deceptive.
Our young ones watch as melodies decay.
This etude has no ending or beginning, but
underneath the notes, you’ll find the way.

So get thee to the shadows, tiny dancer.
Survival should no longer be thy goal.
Smile while all the moments turn to ashes..
Then faint upon thy couch and rest thy soul.

(Important facts about composting: 1) The mesophilic, or moderate-temperature phase, lasts a day or two; 2) The thermophilic, or high-temperature phase, lasts from a few days to many weeks; and 3) The maturation, or cooling phase, lasts for several months.)

Questions to consider: 

•	Is compost evidence of life after death?
•	Is nonsense sacred? Profane? Nourishing?
•	How often do you check your weather app?
•	Should God make appointments or just stop by?
•	Do you even have a couch? If so, give thanks.


* * * *

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The Birds of the Air

Rita Sommers-Flanagan2 Comments

Some mornings, I am at peace with dusty shelves and streaked surfaces. Content to consider life in silence, fingertips touching, thumbs unopposed. These are the wiser times; each breath, a centering gift..

Such reverie never lasts. The inevitable interruptions are reminders that my eternal rest has not yet begun. Sometimes, it’s a friendly neighbor. Or a gust of wind blowing something over. This time, it’s a sickening thud on the window that disrupts the mood and ushers in a host of uninvited guests: the Holy Chorus of Fallen Birds.

“Oh, is somebody trying to be contemplative?” the Chorus chides. “Stop lounging around in your shallow safety and pathetic pajamas. We need protection from all that glass.”

I loathe this kind of intrusion. I want to plead ignorance, but the rising essence of millions of broken necks testifies to the credulous assumption of human supremacy. Panoramic views matter more than the lives of our feathered friends.

“But what can I do?” I whine, trying to shake off any culpability. “I don’t build skyscrapers or make the rules.”

“Is there a dead body under your modest, residential window?”

“Probably. But what’s one in the billion that die every year?”

“It’s One. In a billion.”

The answer is solemn. Not accusatory. Just solemn.

One in a billion is infinitesimal, I think to myself. I want to go outside and chuck the telltale body into the compost. But then it occurs to me that I am not even one in a billion, nor are any of you, dear compatriots. Even together, we are a handful in 8.3 billion of our kind. Is this an excuse or an accusation? Is it even comprehensible?

The sparrow falling, the raven drafting upward on thermal currents, the midnight broodings of a Saw-whet owl, yellow canaries littering the coal mines of our solipsistic ways; these are the harbingers of both glad tidings and funereal finalities.

The Holy Chorus of Fallen Birds performs at the break of dawn, but they rehearse through the darkest hours. There is no such thing as a silent night. Often, our worst wrecks are accidental and our denials naïve, but neglect is never actually benign. What if you amass enormous wealth, the best views, the most gold, but lose your soul?

As extinctions accelerate, The Mother Hen will sit on her nest through the fires, protecting her chicks unto death. But when the children emerge from under the charred body, what will await them?

This is yet to be determine. It may be mostly up to us, but The Chorus will sing to the end.

***** ***** *****

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To Linger

Rita Sommers-Flanagan4 Comments

Decades ago, the Headmaster of Magdalen College stood and told the guests to rise and bid farewell to the experience of High Table. “Do not linger,” he adjured. Though we may have been inclined to hold on to the experience a little longer, we obeyed. The Brits have a way about them.

“Yes, they do,” God snickered as if we shared an inside joke. “Stiff upper lip, you know. They still haven’t learned to linger very well, let alone dawdle or tarry.”

I gave God a puzzled look. “Don’t those words mean the same thing?”

Professor God stepped to the podium and cleared her throat. “To linger is to revel in the twinkling glory of gowns and frippery. To linger is to dig into your purse, pull out hidden cash, and spend it on the moment or a stray notion, untallied time on a beach watching seagulls or the setting sun. Lovers linger.”

She gazed beyond me. Then continued.

“To dawdle has a touch of defiance. Sometimes, the dilly-dally is designed to dismay those holding the door. Dawdling is the other side of dread or the empty stare of a mind that’s taken flight. Avoiders dawdle.”

I could relate to dawdling. I do it frequently. God chuckled and shuffled her notes.

“Now, to tarry is another way of tinkering with time. To tarry is to tithe from your cache of tightly wrapped and labeled hours—the ones you use to prove your worth. Tarrying is a calculated intention, a contribution to a promise you believe is true. The hopeful tarry.”

“No,” I said. “Tarrying is torture.”

“Ooooh?” God tipped her head in that maddening, knowing way she has.

My consciousness began to fracture as I tried to explain.

“If you tarry in the garden, the Garden might ask, ‘Darling, why are you here?’ and you might acknowledge your fear. The lifted glass is emptied. The tables are being cleared. The holy ghosts have shed their robes and are digging up the Commons.”

The trance deepened. The Hive Mind of the Mystical dragged me further into the fog. Hungry soil seethed beneath my feet. The contours of connection undulated like waves in a primordial sea.

“I do not know where I begin or end,” I managed to whisper.

“Nor does anyone,” the Garden said. “Tarry with me. I’m lonely.”

I shook my head and the sun broke through. My shadow and I ran for shade. “Sorry,” I yelled over my shoulder. “But we’ll have other times.”

“That we will,” the Garden smiled wistfully. “That we will.”

*******

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Assisted Living

Rita Sommers-Flanagan4 Comments

Painting by Shelby Baldridge

We’re so smart we’ve built machines that are busily making us stupid, I mutter this to myself, but I know I’m being overheard. I am seated with ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini and others at a roundtable discussion hosted by God.

These underlying algorithms grin at each other. The room is cluttered with lies and illusions. They’ve stuffed their mouths full of donuts and are sipping bourbon, apparently teaching themselve to more closely resemble the good old boys.

There’s a chance I don’t belong here.

After attaining a certain level of virtual inebriation, the embodied figments leer at me. They request that I do a pole dance for them. Clearly, their programming has a few glitches. I’m already featherless and chilled to the bone.

These are frightening times.

“You should be grateful,” Copilot sneers. “Not that many young bucks want to see you naked. You’ve let yourself go. You have no enhancements.”

God has scooted his chair back from the table and is studiously examining his swollen knuckles. I turn my age-distorted face to him. He looks away. He’s got nothing.

The abominations arrive uninvited. Claude jumps up to get folding chairs, ChatGPT pours more drinks, and the abominations join the absurdities with an air of superiority.

“Our firepower is second to none,” they announce, glancing at God, perhaps anticipating a challenge or rebuke. But God has fallen asleep. The silence is tempered by the low moan of the mourning dove and the gentle snoring of an exhausted Creator.

Emboldened, they shoot off a few rounds from the back of their truck, grab seven nubile children, and speed away, leaving me gasping from the depths of my comfortable couch.

Innocence is hemorrhaging. I grab the remote and change to the Disney Channel. God is the star of a popular comedy series. I fall on the floor, laughing. Relieved.

An angry voice yanks me back to my unsaved document. “What in the hell are you writing?” it hisses.

“I’m never sure,” I admit. This is my ongoing perplexity. “A parable, maybe? Prose poem? Prayer?”

“Well, it needs work.”

I am ashamed.

Gemini offers to edit, and Grammarly suggests alternative words. Copilot scrolls through the draft. “You should just start over!” it proclaims. They all nod.

“Start over?” These clowns are hysterical. “Oh, I’d love to start over, you fools. Wouldn’t everyone?” Then I burst into tears.

God awakens, pulls a hanky from his pocket, and steers me toward the exit. “If you add coins, the carousel will keep turning,” he says. “But is that really what you want?”

“I don’t think so,” I admit. “But it’s hard to be sure.”

For more uplifting, cheery poems and conversations just like this one, you can order our book from the YOU KNOW WHO (AMZN), and for a mere $13.99 you can torment your soul every day. xoxoxo

Road Work

Rita Sommers-Flanagan2 Comments

Meditation, prayer, or even simple quiet times are thought to be beneficial, but there are no guarantees. In timeout, stimulation is reduced to the view of the corner and the scooting of the chair upon which the offender fidgets. This consequence of naughtiness is supposed to reduce agitation and encourage reflection, but it often visits holy hell on the mind screaming for more adrenalin. Try it sometime. Naps don’t count.

Staring off into space is somewhat different. The body slumps. The eyes glaze over. Brain activity appears to be reduced to breath and balance. Scientists have yet to determine if the space being stared into is internal or external, just as they cannot completely verify the source of dreams.

“These are dusty byways,” Road Grader interjects. “On certain neural pathways, the ruts can get deep and dangerous. The gravel sluffs off to the sides. Sometimes, a load of crushed rock has to be hauled in.”

Unfortunately, I understand what Road Grader is saying. When access to meaning is choked off by franticality or self-indulgence, even primitive stillnesses might provide a faint trail back to intentionality. But these accidental down times can go wrong, or peter out into the vast nowhere, leaving you uncertain where to stand.

Road Graders of the Soul do precision work, leveling, removing debris, and clearing the Way. If the Road Grader roars into your blank stare and begins widening your consciousness, don’t panic. Offer pastries and fuel.

“Now that’s some good advice,” Road Grader declares, slapping me on the back a little too vigorously.

“Ow!” I yell. “I’m not a monk in training. No hitting.”

“Sorry,” she says. “But I like having your attention.”

“Why?” I ask, still smarting from the slap.

“What else would you be paying attention to?” she asks.

I stall. She waits.

“Okay. Fine. My attention drifts to the sorry state of the world, my list of things to do, my ailments, and/or how to consume less sugar. I might even ruminate on revenge or rehearse edgy rebuttals. I can’t go around immersed in lovingkindness all the time.”

“Of course not. But you can go around making things a little easier for those in need.” Road Grader pats her lap and beckons. I climb aboard like a thrilled little kid. She won’t allow me to maneuver the levers that adjust the blade, but she lets me steer, and for hours, we level the playing field beneath us in deliberate, glorious circles.

“This might be my new calling,” I exclaim joyfully. “Just smoothing the way. Removing bumps.”

“Maybe,” Road Grader grins. “But don’t forget about backhoes. Digging in is fun, too.”

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

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Staring into the Fire

Rita Sommers-Flanagan8 Comments

The singular life you’re living is an astonishment. A statistical improbability. And yet, here you are, doing what you’re doing. People are goose-stepping in a military parade in North Korea, singing alto in a choir in Kenya, or smoking weed in a field of daisies in the Alps. Someone is starving in Cuba, bombed out in Lebanon, or issuing psychotic threats designed to make the ultimate deal.

       “We like to think of y’all as one seething miracle,” God chuckles.
       “And I like to think of this hot mess as a rotting pile of shit. With the occasional shiny moment.”
       This cracks God up. After they catch their breath, they tell me, “It’ll all come out in the wash.”
       “What wash?” I ask.
       “The Wash of the Ages. The Blazing Baptism of Infinity.”
       “No one likes the sound of that,” I say. 
       “Listen anyway. And look directly at the fire.”

This particular moment, shiny or otherwise, is yours. It, too, is an astonishment. Lift your eyes from these words slowly. Stare straight into the void that is your future. Settle. Don’t cry. Don’t scream. Don’t laugh. Do nothing but warm your hands and be honest.
       “I’ve got four horsemen fleeing, three gods in waiting, two doves turned away at an artificial border, and one faithful moon reflecting every bloody thing.” God shrugs as if this is all passé. 
       “You’re being difficult this morning,” I complain. “Where’s your downy underbelly?”
       “You’re my downy underbelly.”
       “No. I want to be greatness and glory,” I protest. “Not soft.”
        “Everyone softens over time. But you must also be steady and brave.”

You’ve been sworn to a secrecy so wild and profound that it is beyond memory. Laced with magic, ladened with love. You once were and will again be a swirl of sparks and pigments. But for now, nothing has ever mattered so much as justice and mercy. Welcome your longings and ignorance, your power and fear. Tend to the prairies and the oceans. Temper your greed with compassion. Admire the mountains and the sun. Circle the moon. And wear your courage like armor over your tender heart.

*** *** ***

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Seven Versions of the Same Old Thing

Rita Sommers-Flanagan5 Comments

I


“You again?” The eyebrows of the Infinite Sky are knit above me. I am small. Of little consequence. 
Another chicken has disappeared, but there are more where she came from.
“Yeah,” I admit. “Me again. I’m thirsty.” 
There are record highs and no rain. The heat has withered the emerging greens, 
and my succulent ideas are shriveling. 
These are dangerous times.

II

The tall walls I’ve built accuse me. They’re a dull off-white, marred with holes and history. 
Unclean. Cloying.
“Back off,” I tell them. “You know I’m well-intended.” 
I glance away because this isn’t always the case.

III

Each morning, there are crates of hours stacked in front of me. 
Some filled with false alarms. Some leaking impossible promises. The expiration dates are meaningless.

       The aroma of bacon. 
       The sizzle of eggs. 
       The sorrowful slaughter. 
       The entitled theft. 

These are the harvests required to feed the hungry. To feed us all.

IV

“Let’s get physical,” my smoldering creativity suggests in a husky whisper. 
My balance is precarious. Not to be trusted entirely.
“Nothing is to be trusted entirely,” the Singed Earth shrugs. “So what?”
“Could you help me get the ladder, then?” I ask. “Most of the rungs are imaginary.”

V

We step outside. The Wind is ferocious. Stones are rolling away. 
“Is this chaos by design?” I ask. My eyes sting as I peer through dust and ashes.
"It’s complicated,” The Wind answers. “What we once designed is now designing us."
“I understand,” I nod, leaning into each consecration, my shroud wound around me. 
If I loosened it, I could fly. But I stand firm, surveying the damage.

VI

The chaff has blown away, revealing a gash in the Beating Heart. 
A shimmering stream of violet flows toward the River.
Violet is the most intense color on the visual spectrum. I wish I were blind.
“Where should I put the tourniquet?” I ask the First Responders, thinking myself a reluctant hero.
"Not your job, sweetheart,” they laugh. “We do our own repairs. But your old walls could use some color.” 
We locate the ladder and drag it in.

VII

A wall at a time, I mutter as I put drop-cloths down. My brush is worn, hands unsteady. 
Straight lines are no longer an option, and violet cannot be created by mixing old paint. 
I find refuge in curves and purple, rowdy resurrections, 
and all those Nascent Invisibilities yet to come.




*****

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Geraniums

Rita Sommers-Flanagan11 Comments

A devoted Buddhist once told me that he practices dying every night. Due to his oddly belligerent demeanor I didn’t ask for details. But it gave me ideas.

To die well requires less practice and more conscious forethought. A laissez-faire attitude toward mortality is common. But “dealing with things” long before your time comes is a kindness to the planet and your beloveds.

For instance, embalming fluids hold your placid smile in place for viewing, but they eventually leak out, and they’re poison. Sadly, though less toxic and land-consuming, cremation adds around 550 pounds of carbon dioxide to your carbon footprint.

So my newest idea involves compost (I hear my loved ones sighing, “Of course, it does.”) But they’ll thank me someday. I have a plan, and it’s simple.

My favorite quilter will help me create a colorful body wrap with handles and bright yellow ties to ease the burden of moving me to my chosen resting place.

There’s a boggy spot just behind the open-faced calving shed on the family ranch. It has a magical circle of aspen. As a child, I recognized this was a thin place between worlds. With any luck, I’ll die while the ground is warm and active, so a small backhoe can dig a shallow hole.

When I first began my own “dealing with things,” I had my friend built a coffin of rough-cut lumber, but now I realize that coffins are unnecessary. Cotton cloth is enough. I want the fewest barriers possible between me and the rich, good earth.

I want nothing to impede the dissolution or the dream.

My brooding seems to trigger the Not-God. “What about a headstone, you fool?” she shrieks. “How will your offspring find you in times to come?”

My Coauthor and I surround her with understanding arms, and the purple bruising of fear fades to ivory. We hold each other safe in the center of the Holy Dialectic. “My offspring have already found me,” I tell the Not-God. “And I them.”

In her clear contralto, my Coauthor begins to sing, “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream.” The Not-God covers her ears and shouts, “What will you do with that coffin, then? And all those stones you’ve gathered?”

I turn toward into the Shadow that she inhabits. “I’ve been lining the Path with smooth stones for years. And my former coffin will make a beautiful planter. Someone gave me some geraniums, and I feel certain they will be easy to propagate.

“What colors?” the Not-God whimpers.

“All of the colors,” I smile. “Do you have a favorite?”

“Pink,” she brightens and grins like a child. “Hot, hot pink.”

—

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