Just days ago our beloved Uncle Bud fell and did not regain consciousness. This past year his body and mind had started giving way, and our collective family grief began. Now it’s in full force. He’s gone.
Among his many achievements and passions, Uncle Bud was a master fisherman. I walk by the river, seeing it through his eyes, feeling his hand-rubbing oh-boy enthusiasm from the inside out. God walks alongside, quiet.
“It wasn’t all rosy,” she says. “For him or your mom…”
“I know,” I interrupt. “They didn’t talk about it much, but I know.”
Uncle Bud was generous, kind, and positive. Filled with good humor and gratitude. In contrast, his childhood included poverty and difficulties most people don’t have to face. In a moment of rare self-disclosure my mom told me that she and Uncle Bud had a pact: They would be there for each other, and they would never, ever give in to the negativity and deprivation they experienced as children.
I’ve known a lot of bitter, unkind people, who constantly blame others for their troubles. Their parents, the government, teachers, partners, neighbors, children—anyone but themselves. Fault-finding is a toxic hobby; blame obliterates gratitude. This is ironic because gratitude lifts the spirit. But for some reason, finding fault is simple, and blame is easy. Gratitude takes effort.
“Why is blaming so seductive?” I ask God.
“That’s a no-brainer,” God answers. “It’s lack of center. Lack of compassion. Insecure people crave admiration. They focus on what’s wrong around them to build themselves up. They’re takers, not givers. Enough is never enough and they are never to blame.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I feel that tension all the time.”
“What tension?” God asks with false innocence.
“I want to be positive and cool like Uncle Bud, but I also want everyone to notice how much I give, how hard I try. I tell myself it’d be good for them to be grateful. But that’s not how it works is it?”
“Being positive is a choice, and gratitude’s a choice. You can’t demand gratitude,” God says with a knowing grin. “Trust me. I’ve tried!”
“Ha! You’re almost as funny as Uncle Bud.” I smile sadly.
“Thanks,” God says. “He really was amazing.” I nod. We watch the trout rise. And together we remember Uncle Bud with sadness, love, and deep well-earned, willingly offered gratitude for the courageous choices he made and all the ways he added happiness to the lives around him.
Short visits with an honest God 
This was wonderful. Well said. I am sorry for your loss.
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Thanks. It is one of the bigger losses in my life. Very sad, but such is the journey.
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Thanks for sharing, I needed to hear this.
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Thanks. I needed to hear it myself!! Over and over…
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I am sorry your family’s loss. May his name be a blessing.
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Thanks for your kind comments, Andy. His name, and his life, are and were great blessings.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. May your Uncle rest in peace, his memory always a blessing.
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Thanks Andrea. He was a constant source of inspiration and support. His memory is indeed a blessing, as was he.
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Rita, Thanks for this beautiful portrait of Uncle Bud, teacher of how to be in this world.
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He was a totally terrific guy. Sorely missed. Thanks.
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“Being positive is a choice, and gratitude’s a choice. You can’t demand gratitude….
I love reading this. So true! Thank you, Rita.
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Thanks, Kaye. I have to remind myself about that gratitude thing ALL the time :). Hope all is well.
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Rest in Peace Uncle Bud. So sorry for your loss Rita. How wonderful his lessons are and what a different life they present.
I have been studying similar messages actually, but in the usual Catholic Catechism. Love (spiritual love, an altruistic, selfless, unconditional love) gratitude, and humility. Forgive, forgive, forgive. Harden not your heart. It is so easy to slip into the bitterness and it sometimes feels like that is where the world would like us to stay. Love, gratitude, remaining loving requires practice, practice, practice till it becomes second nature to us. Thank you for sharing Rita.
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Yes, Suvendrini, it is SOOO darn easy to give in to bitterness and unforgiveness–and the one who suffers the most from such bad choices is ourself!! Thanks for commenting.
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Very well written Rita. Bud not only had a sense of humor, but he always laughed at my jokes! Not everyone did. A great friend as was your Mother.
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Thanks so much Bernard. You were a great friend to both of them. So hard to lose them both…but such is life. Best to you and yours. Rita
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