Drunk on Old Wine

My Coauthor lurks in words like suffering, immigrating, dispossessing, drowning, shooting, refuging, sacrifice, and starvation. I’m trying to lure her toward bacon, bagel, comfortable shoes, light rain. She plugs and unplugs her ears, mocking me.

“What’s wrong with you?” I ask, hurt and indignant. “You know I can’t do those words right now.”  I do a double-take and add, “Wait! Are you drunk?”

“You bet I am,” she slurs. “This old wine is good medicine.”

“You, of all entities, do not need medicine,” I scold. “Get a grip.”

“No! You get a grip.” This adolescent comeback tickles me, but I don’t laugh. She looks deranged as she yells, “I’ve invested eons in your species. Look at the mess you’ve made.”

She lunges at me and takes a wild swing. We tumble to the floor, scratching and biting.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

The aftertaste of wrestling with Meaning is bitter, and the lingering Breath of God reeks of cosmic fermentation. There are so many excuses for this holy bender. So many versions of Alpha and Omega repeatedly betrayed; the Source has been forced to seek shelter in sewers under cities on hills set ablaze to prove an unprovable point.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

“Mind altering drugs, anyone?” The Hosts weave around the heavens wearing sequin coats of many pockets. “These’ll stoke whatever fires you choose.” The maddening crowd rushes in. The least are being trampled by the surging hordes, but it doesn’t matter because we’re all falling off the edge and breaking.

So many bones protruding, even the birds of prey lose count.

“Cut!” I motion to the Directors. “Too brutal. Gratuitous violence sickens me.”

“Such delicate sensibilities.” They’re taunting me, but I detect a note of approval.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

“Over here!” the Coauthors beckon with urgency.

They’ve transformed into First Responders bravely going forth with pagers in their neon vests. Flashlights slash darkness into strobes of horror. Sirens shriek from all directions. No one copes well with such tragedy. I’m blinded, deafened, and flattened to two dimensions. I plan my elegy as I crawl toward the words. Will I be found and saved by something true? Will anyone?

 As the cacophony dies down, the Beyond gathers what’s left of me and whispers, “There is a silence so holy it’s worth waiting for.” This seems ominous, but I know it was meant to reduce my death anxieties.

“I like the sound of that!” I’ve rallied enough to tease. “At least the waiting part.” The Coauthors flash a knowing grin. The day opens, and we all step in.

***** ***** ***** *****

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Systems Charge

Many thanks to the bison I ate last night. I hope it had a good life and a decent death. I needed the protein. Or at least I thought I did.

The killings I am party to usually have a rationale: I killed that rooster in self-defense. The bison and the housefly, the rooster and the rattlesnake, these I can explain.

As I reset the mousetrap near the firewood on our porch, the Source of Life appears clad in a wife-beater T-shirt, spewing putrid breath.

“Catch another one?” He picks his teeth with a splinter and leers at me.

The odors and images of decomposition rise in waves and begin to permeate everything I love. I rush to close the doors and windows, draw the shades, and mist the air with peppermint. The Source of Life orbits our shared reality and seeps through hairline cracks in a haze of moldy blue. She’s happy.

“I could use some help,” I tell It. Her. Him. They. And I include myself in case there’s some part of me unaware of the long line of lorries filled with insufferable demands and questionable aspirations stalled along the congested routes of my timeline.

“What’s up?” The Source of Life often exudes a certain nonchalance. Like a shill mining for clicks. Disarming on the surface. Deadly underneath.

“Um, well. I have too many shoes,” I stammer. “But none of them are quite right. And I’m not sure if I like sticks anymore. And I can’t seem to keep my fingernails clean or properly shaped.” (I come from a long line of proud fingernail tenders, so this failure is especially humiliating.)

“Diving deep, I see,” The Source of Life chuckles. “Got anything else?”

“I don’t even understand the Systems Charge on our power bill,” I wail in frustration.

The Source says nothing.

“You want a deeper dive?” I continue. “Fine.”

So many failings come to mind.. “How about we tackle pride, anger, envy, greed, and revenge?” I snap. Then add, “Or fear.” I look for an exit.

“And there we go.” The Source has morphed into a formidable Hawaiian woman. She blocks my retreat. The banquet table is set with fine wine, strawberries, grapes, apples, cheese, Portuguese sweet bread, and an array of manicure accoutrements, including a basin of scented holy water for the soaking and softening of cuticle and callous.

“Aloha,” I mutter, glancing sideways.

The mercy in her eyes turns my bravado to putty; I’m stricken and ashamed. My body revealed. My hands given over.

“There we go, beloved,” she repeats as she guides my aching fingers into the iridescent liquid. “There we go.”