On the First Day, God said “I am a three-headed monster, a four-toed sloth, five stars, seven heavens, and fifty ways to leave your lover. I am without guile in my slinky nighty and seductive poses. There’s little doubt what I want. And no question I will get it.”
And as soon as I could, I responded.
“Wow! Is there anything I can do for you?” I may have seemed a little obsequious and I was afraid it was too late.
“Relax,” God said. “You don’t have to sign up—the long arm of evolution conscripted you before time. You’re conscious of being conscious, but you’re distracted by abstractions of yourself. Let me ask you this: Will the eyes of your eyes stay open even as it appears there is nothing left to see?”
Will the eyes of my eyes stay open?
“Probably not,” I confessed. “I don’t even know if they’re open now.” I felt pathetic admitting this, but with God, it’s better to be honest than make promises you can’t keep.
“Do you know what I’ll say on the Last Day?” God asked.
I shook my head.
“Hello, gorgeous,” God said. “I’ll say hello gorgeous. I’ll say hello elements. Hello reformation. Hello darkness. Hello light. I’ll tell myself who I AM again. For your sake. And for mine.”
“And when, exactly, will that be?” I asked, thinking it would be nice to be ready.
God looked at me with sympathy. “Well, for me, it’s Now. And always. First and last are the same to me. But for you, it’s indeterminate. You can decide or it will be decided.”
“But couldn’t you give me a hint?” I begged. “I want to look my best.”
“That’s the spirit!” God exclaimed, beaming. “Look your best.”